Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
