where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
