how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
