Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
