I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
