He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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