well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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