The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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