oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
