He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
