That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
