I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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