Non-Jews are for practice
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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