i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
