I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So much rum. So many feels.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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