he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
