One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Couch. On fire.
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