operation harelip BJ is a go
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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