Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
