It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
