He disabled his match.com account in front of me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
