i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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