Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
