More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
