ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
