Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
