I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
