VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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