I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
