Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize