I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
