OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize