you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
