Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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