Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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