What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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