Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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