She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
