Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
