You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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