I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
