He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
