So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
