So drunk its hurt
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
