This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
