My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
