You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
