I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
