Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We left the knife in your bed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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