So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
