yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
