I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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