So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize