just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize