Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just cut my nipple shaving
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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