I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
