i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
