New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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