There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i will never coherently bang her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize