ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize