Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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