haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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