fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
