Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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