We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My feet surprised me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
