Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
