You don't have asthma, your pregnant
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
